Boys and Girls

As I get older, I've seen a lot of people come and go in my life. At the moment, I feel as though I'm in some sort of transition period - only I'm not the one moving forward; everyone else is.
I've always had much better relationships with guys than girls. It's not that I don't like girls, but I'm just not...girly. I'd rather sit around and watch a game than go shopping, rather drink beer than martinis, rather talk about sports than clothes. And if you take a hard look, my closest girl friends have a lot of these qualities too. But the truth is, I have a lot more guy friends than I do girls.
Unfortunately, as I sit here, single at 26, I notice a pattern. Guys don't stick around. (We already know this, right?) My neighbor/co-worker and I spent a good four nights a week together last year, hanging out, watching tv, talking about life. I considered him a great friend. He moved away last summer, got back with his girlfriend, and I haven't spoken to him since his birthday...in October. Our mutual friend, who was part of our designated "Single Saturday" crew, recently got married and had a baby. We barely speak. These I can deal with. We were merely co-workers, not longtime friends.
But there are others. A guy I considered one of my closest friends since the 5th grade has gone through a lot of changes in the last year. A break-up followed by a new relationship that was very tumultuous at first. So who did he call when all this was happening? Who knew every detail of his life, the ONLY person who knew every detail of his life? Me. Of course. How many hours did we spend on the phone, talking through life's obstacles, sharing opinions, being completely honest with each other. Countless hours. And yet I told him the whole time that our relationship would never survive his new relationship. And it hasn't. Another friend, lost to another woman. Just a picture on my refrigerator, another part of my past.
I mean, I understand. Girls and guys can't really be friends once someone gets into a relationship. But it doesn't make it any easier.
I've always had one of those visual minds. Numbers sit on a line from left to right. Days look like a calendar, every Sunday starting over like pressing return on a typewriter. And these boys sit there in my mind, all of them, and they are breaking into groups. The single ones stay on the right. The others move to the left.

New job.

Left.

New baby.

Left.

New girlfriend.

Left.


I had two imaginary friends when I was little. One of the clearest memories I have is the two of them walking down the middle of a road in my head. I suppose this is my clearest memory because it is probably when I let them go, and grew up. Anyway, the sun is setting in front of them as they walk toward it. All I can see is the silhouettes of my friends, slowly walking, slowly shrinking into the distance.
And now I see these boys the same way. Shrinking. Heading off into the distance, leaving behind memories, and a little girl who still isn't ready to grow up.